the unfilial daughter.

yesterday my mum went to one of our (malay) relative’s wedding. needless to say, my dad and i didnt go. why so? incase you didn’t know…

my dad and i are no longer muslims. and my desire to become a freethinker was of my own and before my dad’s decision.

anyway back to topic, ever since my maternal grandparents have passed away, i have never went to visit my maternal relatives (not that i have ever visited my paternal relatives but that’s for another entry).

it’s just that i find it very weird to visit them. i don’t wanna pretend to be the nadia they knew last time. i don’t wanna “salam” them and pretend to be who i am not. and yet, i don’t want to cause my mum distress by telling everyone of the path i have chosen. i know they’ll be sure to question my mum and i and then start to try “brainwashing” me.

i really don’t.

and yet, i feel guilty when my mum tells me my relatives have missed me and asks how have i been. it has been a good 8 to 9 years since i’ve seen them and to be honest, i don’t really miss them. i have never been super close to them.

i guess sometimes i tend to not let people super close to me. maybe thats why i find it so easy to shut people out of my life.


and yet i feel guilty that my mum has to keep making excuses for me. telling the truth is out of the question. what i’ve done, it is almost unheard of. i can’t imagine the gossip and all my mum would have to endure with.


what have i done?

maybe it’ll be easier to “disappear” from them. oh well. i wish to live my life without being forced to do anything. i do not want to live under their expectations and to pretend to be who i am not.

then why do i feel so guilty?

18 thoughts on “the unfilial daughter.”

  1. totally understand what you’re going through. =)

    it’s the society that makes it difficult for us to live in and choose our own paths without feeling guilt stricken.

    i strongly believe that religion should be a freedom of choice and it should come from the heart. i think you made a very brave choice. kudos to you for having that amount of courage. =)))


  2. I agree. I’m a free thinker as well. But we must understand that people are social beings. It’s normal for those religious kinds to attack or ostracize people with the same belief as ours.

    Reason mainly is that it’s something that they can not understand. And it’s a part of human nature to hate and to coin as bad those things that deviates from the norm.


  3. No matter what anyone says, religion is personal choice. Besides, the Malay community has always been fast to judge other people about their religious choices. Just hang in there.


  4. because you’re a good person, and we tend to feel guilty for numerous reasons. Putting your mum through that, you don’t intend for that to happen, but I’m sure your mum understands. Sometimes, being a good daughter usually is better than the falsity you have to extend to the relatives that you don’t really care for. I’ve had to pretend I care for relatives that don’t care for us save for that bit of criticism and disdain, to save my parents’ face.


  5. there is nothing wrong with the “religion” itself, people… it’s more of some of the people that “believe” in the religion. Don’t mix them up.


  6. There is nothing wrong with being an atheist. But the fact that you care about what your mum will face with already qualify you as a filial child.So Remember whatever happen believe only things that you believe in not because you are told to K :).Faced the same prob myself with some Xtian frenz kept asking me to go to their church.But refused them cause I don’t want to start believing in a religion (that started a lot of wars since Middle Ages [one reason]):P.


  7. to choose to be who you are and stand up for what you believe in, it’s to do right by yourself.

    i’m sure your mum understands that and wishes for you to choose a path that will make you happy.

    as for the concept of filial piety… it means different things to different people. i’m sure that apart from religion, you’ve shown plenty of love and care toward your parents… so try not to feel so guilty.


  8. It’s not easy especially in such a close-knitted community. For me, I stayed a free-thinker because I simply cannot connect with the spiritual side of a religion and unable to commit to the community side of it as well.

    In a community such as this, there are many things that people feel you should or should not do and they tend to jump into judgment mode too quickly.

    I respect your choice in going for what you believe is the best path for yourself.


  9. After much considerations and growing up judiciously, you are making a wise choice and moving on to the right direction. Bravo!


  10. I understand how u feel i have not met my maternal relative side for abt 13 yr now. When i went to my dad after my parent nasty divorce.. I was call unfilial, bastard and was even treaten…
    This is the malay world where everyone say they miss u but they will not miss the chance to stab u in the back…
    Let others be and be yourself and stay strong.


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