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the tears fall and they do not stop…

i’ve been having the stress migraine since evening. its an old condition of mine. pills dont work, nothing works till the stress is over. the pain is so intense that i feel like banging my head at the wall. don’t worry i wont. it doesnt work.

things at home aint pleasant right now. i hate being at home sometimes. i tell myself to persevere but i wonder how long can i take it. it has been years now.

some people go on and on about their sad lot in life. i will not be one of them. i don’t believe in accepting my fate. i believe in changing it. to me, there will always be people worse off than yourself and if they are not complaining, who are we to complain? give me time and things will change. i promise you that. only me myself can change things. complaining will not change anything. actions speaks louder than words. no one can help yourself but you.

karma baby. i will make sure everyone gets what they deserve.

im trying to study at home but the noise is getting to me, it really doesnt help that im having a migraine. i try to stop the tears but yet they fall. i must continue to save.

it doesnt help that im feeling physically unwell and now with all this shit going on, im feeling mentally unwell too. not in the psycho kind of way of course.

its a miracle i still believe in love. but i dont believe in happy ever after. ironic? i think ill stay out this long weekend. for the sake of my sanity, i will.

pray for me that i wont go insane. for i feel i will if this continues. but yet, i think i wont. afterall i have remained strong afterall these years, never letting my defences crumble and yet it seems the only one i think who would understand and who i would feel most comfortable is my blog. why? i cant seem to express how i feel sometimes. is it because i cant or is it because i dont want to? is it because im afraid they’ll see the real me?

never let anyone close and they’ll wont be able to hurt you. why is it im back to feeling so unhappy like last time? it has been a long time since i’ve felt this way. i dont like feeling moody black, i like feeling cloudy white. where im at the highest, in the clouds, to feel free once again.

the noise has stopped for now. tomorrow it will be a bitter cycle once again.

back to my assignment. i read a chapter without really reading it and my tears blinded me. the tears fall and they do not stop. i read words i do not see. now absorb i must.

ignore my rantings. i just need an outlet. we are the deciders of our own fate arent we? give me time and ill show you what im capable of. give me time and ill leave.

now back to my consumer behaviour notes. ignore me, think of it as a case of pms + sick nad. i hate feeling this way. pictures of xmas dinner soon.

i need the happy pics to cheer me up. back to my notes. 🙂

Comments

  1. dun think to much ya. i\’m in a similar situation as u. i hate being alone in my room coz all problems and what haf you will start creeping in. u still have me!
    *muacks*

    happy new year babe!

    nadnut: hugs.  

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