I wished that I had never left.

1991 – 12/04/2008, 6.30am

Mum said she nearly breathed her last yesterday but she still held on strong to wait for me. She was so skinny and she could hardly walk. Usually when we took pics, she would close her eyes but yesterday when we took this pic (and yes, my eyes are swollen from crying), she did not even have the strength to close her eyes.

I am sorry that I wasn’t there these two weeks. I should have been.

My mum and I had slept in the living room with her between us. I kept waking up to check on her. She breathed her last this morning when I was asleep. When my mum woke me up, I couldn’t believe that she was gone just a minute ago. Her body was still warm, her eyes were still open and she looked the way she always had. I hugged her and refused to let her go. She had always been there. Throughout my growing up years, since I went to Primary school till now when I’m in Uni.

She had a good life. Bus had a very strong willpower. She once fell from our flat, 6 storeys high when I was in Primary school and she survived the fall. I think that she kept fighting to stay away from the light to see me once last time. I always thought she would be there when I get married and have my own kids. And my kids would play with her and snuggle with her.

I grew up with her. She has been with us since I was 7. She would cuddle on top of my chest and snuggle with me. I regret leaving. I really should have been with her.

Bus (pronounced bush), I love you and I’ll always will. You have been the best pet ever. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there.

Kabus, my love, my companion, my beloved pet, I’ll remember you forever.

67 thoughts on “I wished that I had never left.”

  1. RIP, Bus. I’m sorry about your loss, Nad. Take care. Don’t cry too much k. She had a long and happy life, and now she is somewhere more comfortable!! *hugs*


  2. Babe, hope you are feeling okie now…

    She is in a good place now and she will always be well-remembered by her beloved owner..

    Take care..


  3. The little kitty waited for you to come back. You must have meant a lot to her just as she meant a lot to you.

    I guess it was pass time for her to go, but she insisted on lingering a while longer just so she could say goodbye to you in person rather than let your Mum pass you the news.

    Now that she finally had the chance to see you, she must have felt ready to go. Her duty is finished. I believe she’s on to another place for another important job. I pray you will see her again, over the rainbow.


  4. sorry to hear this. hope u will get over it.
    wen my doggie past away, i wasn’t there for her as i was away. da last thing i said to her was,’ u go away, u so ugly…’ T__________________T

    daddy just trimmed her fur what…wished i didn’t said that. but what is done cannot be undone moreover she was no longer alive. T_____________________T

    hope u get over it soon. i miss brownie…


  5. this really broke my heart.
    which is you know rare cause i am supposed to be the cold hearted bitch.

    poor poor kitty.
    pets are just heartbreakers when dey die.

    all the best.


  6. *hugs* She had a good life with you guys, and she’ll continue having a blessed life in kitty heaven.

    My condolences to you, girl.


  7. Sorry to hear that your kitty has passed.
    I am sure she loves you as much as you loved her because she held on to see you before she left.

    Be strong girl. Bus was a strong kitty you said, so you have to be strong too. Smile, that she has given so much love in your growing up years.

    Take care girl.


  8. gal smile ok shes in a better world now, reminds me so much of my dog who stayed by my side till i fell asleep before she left, and my dad was de one who woke me up and told me gal i think muffin cant make it you want to get up and see when i rush there she she cough out fur, then she gave me that look and i told her is ok babe 8yrs is enough le be on your way she closed her eyes and she left.


  9. I apologise for not reading your article that your cat has passed. I actually stumbled upon your blog from nuffnang and got swayed away by the cats eye without reading your article. You have my condolences.


  10. Hey babe!

    She’s had a good life with such a fantastic owner. I believe she is in good hands now. Don’t be too upset. I believe she does not want you to be so d either. Take care!


  11. oh man babe! was gonna leave a comment on your blog thanking you for your well wishes. right now, it means so much more knowing you left that comment with all that you’re going through. fuck!

    i really hope you’re holding up well. lots of love and hugs!!!


  12. I’m sorry to hear that, nadnut..
    Aaa.. It reminds me of my cat too.. So sad..
    Hope ure fine now.. Dun be sad, okay? =D


  13. Reading this reminds me of my previous cat’s last moments. Took me a looonng time to get over it (mostly because of anger that he was too young and my parents didn’t do anything at all).

    I’m sorry for your loss. Hang in there, k. Hope you find a peaceful way to deal with her death (i cried and ranted in a written diary, cold war with parents for a looonng time).

    She was blessed to be with you and your family.

    Take care.


  14. oh dear… 🙁

    🙁 nadnut, hang in there… seeing your pic and reading this post touched my heart, made me reeel sad too… 🙁

    hang in there okay? Both Bus and you are so lucky to have each other’s love

    take care babe


  15. I felt the way you did when my dog died but I was there when he collapsed in fornt of me.

    Be strong.

    I Only Wanted You

    They say memories are golden

    well maybe that is true.

    I never wanted memories,

    I only wanted you.

    A million times I needed you,

    a million times I cried.

    If love alone could have saved you

    you never would have died.

    In life I loved you dearly,

    In death I love you still.

    In my heart you hold a place

    no one could ever fill.

    If tears could build a stairway

    and heartache make a lane,

    I’d walk the path to heaven

    and bring you back again.

    Our family chain is broken,

    and nothing seems the same.

    But as God calls us one by one,

    the chain will link again.

    — Author unknown


  16. at least Bus is free from sufferings at where she is now. im sure she does not wish to see you and fam so sad either.

    cheer up babe 😀


  17. tearing in office as I am reading your entry.. i can imagine your sadness. Even now as I think about how my baby Berry will one day leave me too, my heart aches..

    Bus will be in a better place and she definitely will know that you love her too. Don’t feel too bad about not being around. I am sure she knows you love her no matter where you are..


  18. i’m so sorry nad… but take heart that she has gone on to a better place.

    i’m sure she wouldn’t want you to be so upset either.
    take care of yourself.


  19. I can understand your pain. Don’t blame yourself. Be glad she’s safe and has no pain at all right now.

    Take care. Be strong. =)


  20. you are kind hearted lovely to care for your beloved one. hope the new day will light up your life with peace and joy. take care!


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