im still alive.

juz feel like being alone.

let me heal by myself yeah?


anyway i asked him to rethink over his decision within a months time for the sake of what was us and all we have been thru.

and i found out tat he mite not bother at all.

if u wun bother to try at all. why should i bother to be ur fren.

u took a few days to decide. cant u at least use a longer period to rethink? for de sake of what we went thru.

u asked us to be frens. u dun wanna lose my frenship after what we have been thru.

if u cant bother to try. then why should i?

and yes. i do block u at times. not that u will read my blog anymore.

why ask thru others? why not ask thru me?

as i said. if after all we have went thru, u wun bother to rethink. then i guess its wasnt enuf.

and it aint enuf for me to be ur fren.

pass me back my stuff when u get back. i wasted enuf time, love and money on u.

and u broke my heart forever.

life is damn fucked up sometimes. and u fucked it up for me. thanks and have a great life ahead.

no matter how much i go out with frens, and try to make myself so busy and happy so that i wont think of him. i cant. it just makes me feel even more lonely.

forgive me should one day i disappear. when u dun see me online. or perhaps i dun reply ur msns, ur calls, ur sms-es. when i dun blog. when i juz disappear.

coz i juz need time alone. alone in my fucked up life.

its like im fluctuating.

sometimes i feel sad, miserable and i miss him so much. sometimes i hate him so much. sometimes i juz feel numb. sometimes when i believe we will get back together. and sometimes i feel that im over him.

and everytime, i feel all de emotions again. juz tis week i felt that im over him.

then everything spilled over and i realised im not.

enuf! enuf with all these. i wished i neva met him b4. i wished i neva got together with him.

i should have believed those rumours. why couldnt i say no de last time?

they say its betta to have loved and lost then neva loved at all.

i rather have not loved him.

coz de memories are obviously not enuf for him.

and it has been a waste of my time on him.

someone told me tat it aint worth it to hate. but hey. i dun wanan be stucked pining over him for a year and not moving on.

not that i wanna be in a relationship. im scared. love doesnt last obviously.

i tot he was de one and i gave my heart to him 100% despite being hurt like fuck b4. was it worth it?

congrats, he has taken over to be de ex who hurt me de most. maybe i should get a trophy for him.

yes like i said. im switching from diff emotions.

god i feel depressed. maybe i should go for de hypnosis thing. anyway, frens who read my blog. when u see me, dun ask me abt tis. if u knoe me by now. i find it easier to express myself in words. like blogs/sms-es/msn chats.

i hate being like tis. why cant i be happy?

believe me i tried. almost 2 weeks has passed. 6 weeks to go. its great that work keeps me so bz that i dun have time to think. aside from de fact when i sell bangkok/genting packages, i tink of our times together. and de fact we were suppose to go batam when he gets back tis year.

it wasnt worth it.

i hate myself for being weak. yes, weak. with a capital W. make it all caps. WEAK.

sighz. too tired to continue ranting.

anyway, a pic…

tis is wat keeps me sane…

haha. salsa with peeps like tis 🙂 and yes. ah reh is wearing my geeky specs..

and silly reh tried to take a pics of us using my fone when walking…

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