If I can, I will.

"Breast is best." "No, fed is best." "No no no! You are wrong, breast is best!"

I'm so sick of reading such statements.

My personal stand? "If I can, I will."

Hello. I'm Nadia. I'm a breastfeeding mum of a 14 month old little boy.

I used to exclusively latch till I went back to work. Now i pump when I'm at work and latch whenever I'm with my son. That means on weekends, it's full on latching with him. Yes, milk on tap. Buffet style.

I'm also a c-section mum. My milk kicked in on late day 3 and I soon became an oversupply mum. I bought an extra deep freezer just to store my milk and I have invested in 3 breast pumps. I've went through countless boxes of breastmilk bags and I have paid for at least 30 breast massages to clear my blocked milk ducts.

Is breastfeeding "cheaper" than formula? I don't think so. (For now) With whatever I have invested, I feel like I spent a lot. If I couldn't breastfeed back then, I wouldn't mind feeding formula. But if I can breastfeed, I will.

But I don't breastfeed to save money. I breastfeed cos I love breastfeeding. I love the intimacy when Aidan looks into my eyes while suckling. His intense look into my eyes. Sometimes he kneads my breast, sometimes he plays with the other nipple (which i hate!), sometimes he pulls his chou chou rabbit and holds it while he suckle.

I love sharing that tender moment where we gaze into each other eyes till he drifts to sleep. But most of all, I love the comfort I bring him.

There are plenty of bad days. Days where he bites. Hard. Days where he pushes my face away. Days where I pumped late and I have a nasty blocked duct. Days where people exclaim surprise that I was still breastfeeding. When will I stop, they asked?

Days where people ask me to pump in the toilet. Days where people suggest I pump and dump (?!?!?!!!). Days where my milk supply dwindles. Days where i get blisters. I really hate the biting and blocked ducts most of all.

But most of all, the benefits outweigh the cons.

The other day, Aidan was down with a fever. He refused any solid food or water. He also drank very little milk from the bottle. He was fussy and couldn't sleep.

As soon as I got home, he began to tug at my top. He needed comfort. I latched him and stroked his head tenderly. He soon drifted and fell asleep.

Untitled

This is why I breastfeed.

So that I can give comfort to my son when it's much needed. Like now.

So when people asked me when I will stop breastfeeding, I tend to lie because I was tired of explaining. I always say maybe when he hits 18 months or 2 years old.

But in my heart, I know the real answer. When he has decided to wean me off. I won't wean him. But if he decides to wean me off, I'll understand.

Though i'll probably weep the day that he chooses to do so.

In the meantime, I'll continue. As long he wants me.

Untitled

Hopefully it'll be for a long long time.