that thing about breakups…

i was bored today and was surfing friendster…

i flipped thru a few friends’ profiles and noticed something. i know a few of my friends/acquintances/schoolmates have broke up with their significant others and some of them have not gotten over them.

i noticed that they still kept their ‘in a relationship’ & ‘domestic partnership’ status and that they still kept his/her pictures/couple pictures.

and i thought back of my very painful breakup. and i couldnt help feeling the pain for them. weird that i do so. but i dunno why.

breakups are never easy. unless of course you dont really care for the other.

i recalled how devastated i was when he dumped broke up with me. how things seemed to be crashing down all at once.

perhaps because i am an extremely emotional person. as u guys know of course. i tend to let my emotions/feelings get the better of me.

i had many chances to embark on new relationships. was i interested? some, i was. but i tend to dwell on the memories of my ex then. i always asked myself ‘what if?’

we then had a few chances in getting back together. however, it seems that fate was playing a cruel trick on us.

when i initiated a patch, he refused to. when he then initiated a patch, i refused to.

ironic aint it?

it’s never easy getting over somebody. it seems that not only has the person has left a big impression on you, left many memories with you, from places you and him/her has frequented, his/her favourite foods, habits, things done together, his/her belongings left with you and of course a piece of your heart left with him/her.

i’ll be lying of course if i said that i have gotten over my ex-es. cause i never did. and we never do. though he may have left you/your life, there will always be a part of your heart that belongs to him.

i recalled after the breakup, i swore to myself to get over that ‘stupid asshole’. i went thru many different phrases of the breakup.

from denial to anger and hatred to self-bashing to depression to hurting myself to finally, acceptance.

i did many things i wasnt proud of.

i pushed people away, i hated him then, i picked up smoking and went clubbing too frequently making myself drunk everytime.

i then told myself, i will never love again. i was jaded, cynical, i was not meant to be loved. i turned down potential relationships because i then did not believe in love. i wanted to be an ice queen. i did not believe in love.

how sure you’ll be that it will last? what if its just a vicious cycle? i cant pick myself up again. i didnt want to. my heart was tired of being hurt.

i went thru a vicious cycle of feeling as if i have gotten over him, and something would remind me of him and bam! i realised that i have never gotten over him.

was it because it happened so suddenly? was it because there was never a proper closure? was it because i never understood why we broke up?

for 7 months, i felt miserable. i hated him, i hated love and i hated myself for not being able to get over him when obviously he could.

i now understand that there is no need to rush myself in getting over someone. the more i do so, the more miserable i’ll be.

advices from friends saying things like ‘you’ll get over him sooner or later’, ‘he’s not worth it’, ‘you’ll find someone better’ seemed like cliche words. but, it is true.

take your time getting over him/her. there is no rush. if you need to cry or vent your anger, do so. dont hold it in. it hurts even more doing so.

and if you ever need a listening ear, i’m always here. aye?

and if anything happens to tiger and me, i do not want to go thru the same vicious cycle again. remind me that. and i know, you’ll be there for me too.

Don’t go breaking my heart, I fell for you
I can’t take it again, No baby
Don’t go breaking my heart, it’s up to you
Can’t move on ‘till you say goodbye