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today met wiv my ex-bestfren…

was reflecting about my past, and realised i was more carefree, happy go lucky and cheery then…

tot back abt the asshole exboyfren and how stupid i was to have treated him so well and went over all the extend to do lotsa stuff for him…

i remembered when my 1st year anniversary wiv him, i did something sweet for him. i wrote down 365 reasons why i loved him. one for everyday i was with him.

i spent 200+++ bucks on other stuff too. bought him other stuff and made him lotsa stuff…

he didnt even get me anything. didnt spend de day wiv me (including not spending my 18th bdae wiv me) and said that some of de reasons he felt was nonsense.

goodness.

i stupidly tot he was right and handled all de verbal abuse.

he bullshitted that he wasnt free on my bdae or our one year anniversary which was on valentine’s day…

yet, i was ok wiv it…

later he requested for a break…

i realised that he fell in love with his classmate…

i forgived him and we got back together…

he started distancing himself. and went after the other girl..

i was so fucking stupid to forgive him and still treat him well despite he treating me like dirt.

he was a loner so i spent all my time wiv him…

didnt have any close frens.. neglected ppl i had…

i was so fucking stupid.

finally we broke up. i was an emotional wreck…

i found out (from sources. basically i read something wiv my own eyes) that he did go after tat girl but she rejected him coz she wasnt straight.

woohoo. there IS a god.

i got over him and my personality changed.

there will always be an emotional scar on my chest.

i will never put 100% again.

i will never put aside my frens. there are just important.

one year after we broke up, my ex asked me back. yes i was tempted.

until…

he told me that the classmate affair was a lie…

THAT BLOODY FUCKER.

lie to me again.

asshole. i rejected him.

i didnt exposed him coz i was too nice.

but i have to blog out how i feel…

he hates his dad so much coz his dad cheated on his mum…

AND GUESS WAT? he’s acting the same.

i wish i can give him a good punch in the eye and kick him in the balls.

YOU MOTHER FUCKER ASSHOLE.

argh.

rant over. pms mood.

anyway, after meeting my ex bestfren. i felt a very big change from how i was 3 – 4 years ago…

my ex helped me tat.

i grew up. became cynical.

but i miss the old nadia. the carefree one.

i feel so dull. boring. and not wanting to share how i feel. keep things to myself. and am afraid to trust anyone fully anymore.

i wish i can kick my ex in the balls.

gals. neva be verbally and mentally abused like i was. those guys aint worth it.