Monthly Archives: March 2006


i wanted to speak but i have no words.
i wanted to cry but i have no tears.
i wanted to yell but i have no voice.

i wanted to eat but i have no appetite.
i wanted to be drunk but i have no liquor.

i wanted to be strong but i have no will.
i wanted to hug but i have no one.
i wanted to love but i have no heart.

now tell me. what do i have?


i hope you read this...

i hope you're feeling much better right now. i really wished to be there for you and just provide a listening ear but i guess, as you said, you needed to be alone. i do hope it was not because you did not want to spoil my night that you cancelled meeting up.

i was glad when you proposed to meet up despite us not being close for the last few months. i guess despite months of not talking, we still come to each other in times in need.

i really wish that i can do more to help you or comfort you, to be able to lend a listening ear, a supporting shoulder, a hug or just my company but i guess, currently you would need to be with yourself.

but remember...

should you ever need me, i'll be there for you. because i care. you know how to contact me if you need me.




a picture to share. this picture which i took, never fails to calm & soothe me.


today marks the last of the ten days (3 of them = 3 hours of sleep a day only) that i have been working back to back. and i will be using the rest of my annual leave to take leave on thurs and fri to recuperate.

hell, im mentally and physically exhausted. and dont think its good that i get to rest on thurs and fri. cause my previous weekend was burnt out and i have to use my leave (NOTE: no off lor!) to rest and i wasnt paid for the extra hours/days put in. -_-"

somehow, the odds are against me.

due to the lack of sleep, my body is betraying me. i fell sick during the event and right now, i have a severe cough and sore throat.

so instead of having fun during my leave, i guess i'll really have to rest.


it seems i have to go back to work on friday to clear up some invoices. aye. on my day of leave indeed.

why am i whining/ranting here? because some friends keep saying how good it is i have leave on thurs and fri and how GOOD i should feel. and how i should just shut up on my leave. hello?!?!

tmd you. thurs and friday is like my last weekend lor. irritated! this is leave not off. stupid!

and ten days back to back aint no joke. especially when there is an event and rushing to close accounts for financial year closing. zzzzzz

ps: thanks to those who understand and are supportive and have been listening from day one till now. *hugs*


as some of you guys know, i was working nonstop during the weekend. i was handling a seminar. and was liaising with the speakers, slides and what nots.

i was briefing the speakers on the rundown, what the emcee will do, who will queue him and the usual drill.

the speaker then started on his speech. he was talking about why we do the things we do and how some people would not understand the things we do.

thus he was talking about a certain personality test (which is sold for 10 us buckaroos) inwhich most of us would be divided into 4 different categories.

fun, controlling, perfect and patient (i think)

as he was explaining the personalities out, i was thinking to myself on what kind of personality i was. i believe, i portray a few different personalities.

at work, im rather serious and most of my colleagues think i'm 25. maturity level they say. of course not size lah. size wise i look as if im in secondary school. i guess with experience, i work much differently as compared to some. can you believe i am giving instructions to a 30 year old degree holder? i always feel older than her. i guess its the way one carry oneself.

after work, when im having fun with my friends, the serious nadia is away and the fun, carefree nadnut is in place. instead of leading, i rather be pampered, be nonsensical, immature and just crazy. i love having fun and honestly, sometimes i dont mind embarrassing myself just to have a little fun.

the speaker turned to me and said i was the 'perfect' personality. now now, dont think its a good thing. it aint!

the perfect personality wants things to run perfectly. (ala bree of desperate housewives), however its perfect to my point of view. like he mentioned of how i drilled him to run the slides at the perfect timing, stop when signalled and everything. it was pretty embarrassing considering how all 200 - 250 people turned to look at me.

and i realised, yes, at work, i enjoy precision and perfectionism. to be exact, at events. i guess, i have been conditioned to think this way ever since my first events job. i was doing a sales and was also the PA of the boss. if things did not run this or that way, it was never good enough.

things had to be perfect. precise. and i wonder... was it a good thing. i could never handle errors or faults. even during bsc, i could not understand how some people could not dedicate more time to the club's events, how someone can procrastinate so much and how proper delegation is not done correctly.

however, when i'm not at work, i take the backseat. i am so different at events and away from it.

i managed to get a copy of the personality test and i would be trying it out. and i wonder, what personality i would be...