it suddenly hit me yesterday when i was on the train.

i have been guilty.

guilty of pushing people away. it seems everytime i get hurt so badly by someone, ill be pushing people who cares about me away.

it happened once 3-4 years ago.

and i did it again this year. i guess i dont wanna need somebody so bad again incase ill get hurt again.

and i know it has hurt you guys.

i couldnt deal when you needed to know more, when you started being insistent on me moving on fast. i need to move at my own pace.

i felt restrained. and constricted.

i dont like being read like an open book. i guess thats my problem, when friends come too close, i move away.

like someone once close to me said, pride.

its all about pride.

argh. i apologise to those i have pushed away. (if you still read my blog)

i dont like feeling vulnerable. i know, no one likes to feel that too. i’m sorry.

and i really miss you guys…

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