her fragile heart

she sat at the computer typing. typing words that she could not see. tears had clouded her eyes and she let them fall freely.

her heart ache. it ached so bad.

she was emotionally wounded. she was tired.

she had hurt a good friend and by hurting him, she was hurting herself. her heart was in a turmoil. there were many words she wanted to say, but she couldnt say it out. she was a jinx. everybody who cared for her, she ended pushing them away.

that was how she wanted it right? she didnt need anyone. for the last time she needed someone so bad, he wasnt there. he wasnt there to hold her hand. he wasnt there. and she had hurt so bad. she hurt so bad that night. her heart broke into a thousand pieces. just as sudden as he had given her happiness, it was the same as he snatched it away.

it was a horrible night for her. someone from the past decided to drop in. perhaps it was too much to ask. but she decided that she cant be friends with him anymore. just chatting and playing games as of last time, reminded her of the times they were together.

but now, they arent. it was a mockery. all the words and thoughts they had of being together, going on trips together, all was not done and will never be.

she needed to be alone. she needed to tell him that she cant be friends with him anymore, that they could only be lovers but never friends. she wanted to tell him she wanted to be in his arms again, how she missed him so much and that she was scared.

scared of seeing a future without him. scared of what they will be missing out. they could work it out if he wanted to. no one knew what the future will bring.

but all she could do was bade him good night and that wished him the sweetest dreams.

she sought a cowards way out by uttering words like “for what’s its worth, i miss you” instead of “do you miss me? do you think we could work it out again? what made u decide to end it? are you with someone new now? do you ever regret it? does anything reminds you of me or us? do you remember how we got together? do you remember we watched 50 first dates on our 9 months anniversary? how u called me sillyger? how we seemed to fit perfectly in each others arms? i still love you without wax. do you remember about confused chaos? thats how i feel now…”.

for she knew there was no chance of getting back together. they have changed. both in many ways. he had always thought they would never end up together happily and it always broke her heart whenever she heard those words.

tears flowed freely. her fragile heart could take it no longer.

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