Monthly Archives: April 2005

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what the hell is the problem with guys?

argh!!!!!

nothing is wrong with me!!!! please lor.... juz coz im sianzed abt tomolo's outing coz ariel is not going... what gives u the impression tat something is wrong with me?

jus listen to myself speak? and its not the way nadia is speaking?

-_-"

firstly. i dun talk de way u do.

i dun go all sarcastic and cold on my frens. i keep quiet when u do. coz perhaps ur having a bad day..

but it has been happening a LOT of times. and believe me. whatever feelings that i do have left, DOES get hurt.

but hey...

"look .. i'm sorry i was sarcastic .. i noe u do care and i've not exactly been the best fren in ur current situation .. i jus duno how to be there for u in this time and also im not sure if i can .. u wana include me in alot of things which alot i wan to go but i can't! the more i wan the more u ask but i jus can't .. and cos of tat i get irritated .. its wrong i noe and i'm just being selfish .. gimme time .. i'll rid tat habit .. sori again .."

I HAVE NEVA ASKED U TO BE THERE. INFACT I HAVE NEVER ASKED ANYONE TO BE THERE.

do forgive me if i irritate u by asking u out.

U CAN ALWAYS SAY NO. AND I DUN ASK U OUT OFTEN.

and enuf is enuf. have fun in ur own sarcastic life. coz i juz fucking irritate u by asking u out. and i wont anymore. i wont bother to care anymore.

i already gave our friendship a shot the last time. and if this is it to u. i wont bother anymore.
and i knoe u'll read tis.

i had it with guys. officially blocked two guys who i used to care for. argh. guys are jerks.

im turning lesbian tomorrow.

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i need a tan.

else i will like casper... BAH!

work is so so so so fast paced... woah. time passes by really fast..

but i guess its interesting... argh. their grooming me so that they can ship me somewhere posh. argh. i will have to deal with those platinum and infinite card holders...

argh. kill me please. dun groom me!!!

long weekend tis week... wondering wat to do... anyway do i look mixed to u?

all my colleagues tink im mixed... weird. and its a combo u'll neva believe...

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bah. imageshack aint working. my pics disappeared... grrr.

anyway, a quote i read somewhere..

"Never Say I Love You if U don't care. Never Talk about feelings if they aren't really there. Never Touch A Life if you mean to break a Heart. Never say U Will, if U don't plan to start. Never look in the eye when all U do is lie. The Cruellest thing a Guy can Do to a girl, is to Let Her Fall In Love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall..."

how true.

why bring me up so high juz to drop me all the way?

why share wiv my so many dreams juz to take them away?

anyway, no salsa class tis saturday ... sad.

but got salsa class outing at union square on friday! 😀

am going for trial sessions on sunday, exotic cardio class and body rock (some hip hop)...

hope i can lose weight...

hahaa. my 3 goals at the moment.

sad. my dream job neva call me!!!!! left thursday & friday. if they dun call... oh well..

sobz!

mite go bangkok in august!!! see if all work out. i got lobang! anyone interested juz leave me a comment!

gotta bathe!

wat do u tink of de name christel?

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hmmm. camwhoring makes me feel much betta... not reallie... anyway, tinking of changing my name. not changing but adding another name.

guess its another part of me trying to get something new to symbolise a new beginning...

anyway, de pics...











and i dun feel much betta..

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im still alive.

juz feel like being alone.

let me heal by myself yeah?

thanks.

anyway i asked him to rethink over his decision within a months time for the sake of what was us and all we have been thru.

and i found out tat he mite not bother at all.

if u wun bother to try at all. why should i bother to be ur fren.

u took a few days to decide. cant u at least use a longer period to rethink? for de sake of what we went thru.

u asked us to be frens. u dun wanna lose my frenship after what we have been thru.

if u cant bother to try. then why should i?

and yes. i do block u at times. not that u will read my blog anymore.

why ask thru others? why not ask thru me?

as i said. if after all we have went thru, u wun bother to rethink. then i guess its wasnt enuf.

and it aint enuf for me to be ur fren.

pass me back my stuff when u get back. i wasted enuf time, love and money on u.

and u broke my heart forever.

life is damn fucked up sometimes. and u fucked it up for me. thanks and have a great life ahead.

no matter how much i go out with frens, and try to make myself so busy and happy so that i wont think of him. i cant. it just makes me feel even more lonely.

forgive me should one day i disappear. when u dun see me online. or perhaps i dun reply ur msns, ur calls, ur sms-es. when i dun blog. when i juz disappear.

coz i juz need time alone. alone in my fucked up life.

its like im fluctuating.

sometimes i feel sad, miserable and i miss him so much. sometimes i hate him so much. sometimes i juz feel numb. sometimes when i believe we will get back together. and sometimes i feel that im over him.

and everytime, i feel all de emotions again. juz tis week i felt that im over him.

then everything spilled over and i realised im not.

enuf! enuf with all these. i wished i neva met him b4. i wished i neva got together with him.

i should have believed those rumours. why couldnt i say no de last time?

they say its betta to have loved and lost then neva loved at all.

i rather have not loved him.

coz de memories are obviously not enuf for him.

and it has been a waste of my time on him.

someone told me tat it aint worth it to hate. but hey. i dun wanan be stucked pining over him for a year and not moving on.

not that i wanna be in a relationship. im scared. love doesnt last obviously.

i tot he was de one and i gave my heart to him 100% despite being hurt like fuck b4. was it worth it?

congrats, he has taken over to be de ex who hurt me de most. maybe i should get a trophy for him.

yes like i said. im switching from diff emotions.

god i feel depressed. maybe i should go for de hypnosis thing. anyway, frens who read my blog. when u see me, dun ask me abt tis. if u knoe me by now. i find it easier to express myself in words. like blogs/sms-es/msn chats.

i hate being like tis. why cant i be happy?

believe me i tried. almost 2 weeks has passed. 6 weeks to go. its great that work keeps me so bz that i dun have time to think. aside from de fact when i sell bangkok/genting packages, i tink of our times together. and de fact we were suppose to go batam when he gets back tis year.

it wasnt worth it.

i hate myself for being weak. yes, weak. with a capital W. make it all caps. WEAK.

sighz. too tired to continue ranting.

anyway, a pic...

tis is wat keeps me sane...

haha. salsa with peeps like tis 🙂 and yes. ah reh is wearing my geeky specs..

and silly reh tried to take a pics of us using my fone when walking...