have u ever felt that you are stucked in a rut? of how you are staying put somewhere just because you are familiar with the place but not because you love where you are?

or how you have been with someone for many years just because you loved him and because you are in your comfort zone? or how you are in that job for many many years just because you know how it works, you are comfortable with the colleagues, the jobscope and am afraid of trying something new?

do you love or did you loved? how do you break free? isnt it unfair to the other party if you tell them you need a change?

how do you know if this is what you really want? have you stayed just because of a responsibility? because it would be unfair to call it quits after trying so long? after searching for so many and you thought this was the one love you can see yourself settling down with, that this is the one job that you see yourself in?

how do you just know?

are you afraid to try something new, just because you may regret the new path you have taken? do u feel sometimes u really love the current scenario and yet sometimes u dont feel anything?

maybe you have not loved fully, maybe you have never given your heart to him. maybe.

how do you hope when you have given up on hope itself? how do you love when you dont believe in love? how do you live when you have given up on life itself? how do you?

what do you do when the emptiness in your heart does not fill no matter what you do? maybe you are incapable of loving anyone and thats including yourself.

do you stay awake at night,wondering when will it all stop? do u live your life feeling sick and tired of it all?

what do you do?

have all i every wanted is not what i want after all? have i been chasing after an impossible dream?

it is an enigma, for now i do not know i want. i’m confused, puzzled and heart is in a turmoil. i question myself and yet i have no answers.

i know not what i want anymore. i have wasted my time. it has all been a waste of time. i have been the fool.

do i stick to it? or do i chase after the new dream? have i let routine run my life?

what should i do? i do not know now. it is after all an impossible dream.

i wanted to speak but i have no words.
i wanted to cry but i have no tears.
i wanted to yell but i have no voice.

i wanted to eat but i have no appetite.
i wanted to be drunk but i have no liquor.

i wanted to be strong but i have no will.
i wanted to hug but i have no one.
i wanted to love but i have no heart.

now tell me. what do i have?

she hugged herself.

she sat alone in the dark hidden below the covers. she felt so vulnerable. tears were running down her cheek. she was crying quietly for she knew if anyone heard her crying or even making a sound, she would get beaten again.

whenever he came back drunk, he would always find fault with her. the house wasnt clean enough, she wasnt earning enough for the family, she talked too much, she was watching the wrong channel on the tv, she was too quiet, she went to her room too much or she didnt bring luck to the family.

it was absurd. blaming the child for not bringing luck to him or the family. whenever he did not strike 4d or toto, it was always her fault. and she would get hit everytime.

she learnt to hide in her room and lock it up whenever he goes out to drink. she learnt to drown out his yelling and screaming. she learnt to ignore his sarcastic jibes at her. but in her heart, she will never forgive him. nor she will never forget.

she will never let another individual hurt her the same way he did. she will never let anyone put her down the same way again.

what doesnt kill you makes you stronger.

she learnt that the hard way.

Artist: Jamelia
Title: Thank You

The fights, those nights
I tried to pretend it don’t hurt
The way, I prayed
Someday that you would love me
Really, completely
Just how I wanted it to be
But no, so wrong
Can’t believe I stayed with you so long

You hit, you spit, you split, ever-y bit of me, yeah
You stole, you broke, you’re cold
You’re such a joke to me, yeah

For every last bruise you gave me
For every time I sat in tears
For the million ways you hurt me
I just wanna tell you this
You broke my world, made me strong
Thank you
Messed up my dreams, made me strong
Thank you

My head, near dead
Just the way you wanted it
My soul, stone cold
Cos I was under you’re control
So young, so dumb
Knew just how to make me succumb
But I un-derstand
To make yourself feel like a man

You hit, you spit, you split, ever-y bit of me, yeah
You stole, you broke, you’re cold
You’re such a joke to me, yeah

For every last bruise you gave me
For every time I sat in tears
For the million ways you hurt me
I just wanna tell you this
You broke my world, made me strong
Thank you
Messed up my dreams, made me strong
Thank you

You coulda had it all babe
It coulda been so right
I woulda given you everything
Morning through night
Yeah, you taught me some lessons
Those are my blessings
That won’t happen again
Thank you

nothing would be the same anymore.
people change, they come and go.
the tears flow easily. there is no stopping them now.

nothing would be the same anymore.

poor cinderella and her twin sister cindalala has been busy rushing for the important event (the pumpkin festival) that the evurrrrrl stepmother has assigned them.

the stepmother was supposed to be protective of her stepdaughters and protect them from being bullied by other maids.

however, the stepmother has even suggested that her two stepdaughters be given all the work to be done.

the evurrrl stepmother did not even help her stepdaughters. infact she sneered at them when work could not be finished in time and brought her daughters (her real ones) with her shopping at gucci, prada and tiffany.

while cinderella and cindalala rushed against time to try to make everything perfect, the stepmother appeared and blasted cinderella on a bad job done. the stepmother showed her displeasure the whole time. cinderella still maintained a pleasant smile for all to see while cindalala ignored the evurrl stepmother for the whole 24 hours when cinderalla and cindalala were there busy working without any sleep, where the hell was the evurl stepmother? busy getting her beauty sleep more like it.

the event lasted many a nights and cinderalla and cindalala took turns making sure to be there just incase their needed. it was discussed that they would not returned to the pumpkin office and be stationed at the grand glass slippers ballroom in shifts.

however the evurl stepmother was not pleased with this and commanded for cinderalla and cindalala to be stationed at the pumpkin office and after duties, to return to the grand glass slippers ballroom for work. cindalala was not pleased with this arrangement. no one was going to pay pumpkins for the extra hours put in, no one bothered about the twins and the evurl stepmother showed no respect at all nor volunteered any help from her daughters or herself.

at the end of the pumkin festival, cinderella and cindalala were frantically scrubbing the ballroom clean and making sure it was spick and span. the evurl stepmother only sneered at the twins and took all credit for the wonderful job done for the event.

at the end, the twins learnt a very painful lesson.

no one was gonna help them, but themselves.