As some of you guys may know, I am a full on hardcore breastfeeding enthusiast. For myself that is. I fell in love with breastfeeding once my supply regulated and Aidan had found a good latching position.
Needless to say, I was pretty determined to continue breastfeeding for #2. When I found out I was pregnant, I continued to pump till my supply dwindled. I stopped pumping at about 18 weeks (pregnancy brain, can't remember exactly when)
I still continued latching though as Aidan has yet to wean. I also did not want to force him to wean, I prefer for him to self-wean if he ever wants to. And I knew that he pretty much was comfort latching.
But latching became so painful. It was really unbearable. Am not sure if it was the hormones or what, but it was more painful for me than the first week of breastfeeding.
I didn't share this much but I started feeling angry also whenever Aidan latched. Like straight on angry feelings, pissed off feelings. I felt so angry at him.
And I got so confused with my feelings. I love latching and I love breastfeeding. Why was I getting angry? I had no history with prenatal depression nor postnatal depression so I was super confused.
Here I was.. feeling angry when Aidan latched and guilty the next moment. My emotions were going crazy honestly. I soon started googling and came across the term "Nursing aversion".
Basically it's quite common though I have never heard of the term before. Seems like most mums get it when they get pregnant the second time.
Skai encouraged me to wean Aidan since I was having all of these negative feelings but I wasn't ready to call it quits. I researched, joined Facebook groups, read lots of articles and decided to try out the tips suggested.
I still latch Aidan but I cut down on the latching time. I would tell him it hurts and stop for a while but latch again later and we soon established a routine. Beginning, it was tough, he would cry, yell and get angry but after a while, it went well.
Now that colostrum has kicked in, latching is less painful. Aidan pretty much latches once or twice a day and asks for 'neh neh' at times.
I'm glad that I managed to find some information about how I was feeling and found out how to make the best out of it. Nursing aversion is real, I guess it could be a kind of prenatal depression too?
I honestly can't wait to tandem latch both Aidan and Davina in future. I'm hoping this nursing aversion feeling would pass, some say it would stay for a while. But I'll try my very best. To fellow mums who are suffering from nursing aversion, jiayou ladies! Do whatever makes it better. If you have to wean, by all means. If you have to cut down, go ahead.
Do check out my pregnancy and baby blog posts here:
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