been rather busy with work recently and other matters. i keep making mistakes at work and am feeling rather tired these days. i need to get enough rest but it seems i am unable to do so. even after the weekend, i still come back to work all exhausted and tired.
seems like i can never rest enough. which is kind of affecting my work performance and physical health. and also am too tired to put into words things i have been meaning to blog about. which is rather weird for me.
to put it simply, i am not getting quality rest. i can't help checking my work email when i'm home and worrying over any other matters. been trying to clear as much work as possible for my upcoming holiday and to make things worse, i got a piece of shocking news (which i dont think i should reveal here) inwhich i would need to (and feel the need to) clear as much work as possible.
as per my previous (and protected) entry, jaywalk commented on how i should consider a certain option. which i could never do. cause after a year (tomorrow is my one year anni at emco) here, i still feel there is so much more for me to learn. i wanna learn everything i could here. if i leave, i'll feel like i have learnt nothing and it would be like my 4 previous jobs. learning the bare minimum and chalking up a pathetic amount of experience.
i have to be careful how i tread within the next two weeks. must cover my tracks. that's the tricky business about working inÂ a rather political area. trust no one.
a few days ago, i met up with my poly clique. it was amazing to see how things have changed. previously in poly, we were all discussing long holidays, jobs. and two years from graduation, the holiday never came and we're still discussing career prospects and significant others. i wonder 5 years from now, would we be discussing about marriages, babies and career advancements? infact, i wonder 5 years from now, would we even be in contact.
a rather significant change was some friends had drifted apart. friends whom we were super close with in poly. but that was change. people change. from certain factors. career, significant others, friends. from whom we could connect back in poly, we may not be able to connect with now.
couples who seem so in love then, now have turned into complete strangers. friends who swore to keep in contact, only meet up during birthdays or gatherings once in a blue moon.
i have been guilty myself many a time. but things have changed. no matter what, the friendship is lost. i used to be close to a good friend. we used to do everything together, but due to some circumstances, we drifted apart. we no longer sang the same tune. i could not grasp what she was talking about and neither could she. i could never fathom why she was not improving her career, her own life and wanted to settle down with a guy she scarely knew. and she could not fathom why i would not settle down and set up a family and instead wanting to get a degree and improve my standard of living. what has happened to my ambitious friend? instead she chose to want to quit her job or take a part time job instead to wait handÂ and foot on her guy (whom in my opinion, has no means to support the both of them with his rather meagre salary).
some people are willing to settle for something less. i am not. she said to me that she admires the ambitious nadia she knew since young. how i wanted something and managed to get it. it got me so frustrated that night talking to her. but i guess, i cant push her into being someone like me. she was happy settling. maybe she always was. i see so much potential in her and yet she has left it there to waste.
and that was what hurts. seeing the girl i grew up with, having so much ambitions, settling for less. giving up just like that, telling herself that she is only worth so much. she was always the smarter one, i was always the lazy one who never did well in school. and look where we are now.
i guess you can never help someone unless they are willing to help themselves. and if she is happy doing what she is doing now, being who she is now, then i'll wish her all the best.
take care old friend. be happy.
postnote: i have a change of hairstyle. no more ah-lian!. unfortunately (or is it fortunately?) i seem to have more word-y entries than pic-yÂ entries these days. the bimbo blogs will strike back one day! hopefully soon..